Josh Heit's blog


Saturday, September 20, 2003

Arr, ye mateys! It’s the Survivor Recap!:

(Note: Yesterday was Talk Like a Pirate Day and so this blog entry will represent that.)

Aye, Mark Burnett’s blimey show, Survivor: Pearl Islands is back and better than ever! Arr, the pirate theme fits me just fine! And that Rupert, what a scalawag is he! Stealing the Morgan booty! And poor Nicole. No bra to start, and then gone to Davy Jones’s locker at the end! Let’s look at some initial observations for these sixteen landlubbers shipwrecked for the game of Survivor!

Drake tribe:

Burton: Arrr! This lad is grabbin’ the leader role, but he’d best be careful not to get blackspotted by his teammates. Pretty under the radar (UTR), in general.

Christa: Arrr! Me buxom beauty Christa! Computer programmer, ay! Seems to be a player, and she won’t be walkin’ the plank anytime soon!

Jon: Shiver me timbers! This lad’s quite a squiffy! Getting’ hammered and tellin’ bad jokes is no way to be gettin’ along with ye tribemates! He’d better shape up, or when Drake goes to Tribal Council, he might be takin’ the walk o’ shame!

Michelle: Yarr! Not much from her in this episode, so I think we’ll be seeing more of her in later episode. I fancy she’ll be around for the merge, at least!

Rupert: Arr, it’s Hagrid! Rupert’s a mighty fine matey, and seems to be gettin’ along wit’ his tribe. Using the Hatch strategy with the fishing spear might work. However, his lack of stamina might be his downfall.

Sandra: Aye, her use of Spanish in the village was mighty fine. But shouldn’t have Burnett & co. have realized Drake would gain an advantage from her skills! The coconut milk thing was pure misdirection. She’s here to stay, mateys!

Shawn: The other leader with Burton. This lad might end up walkin’ the plank if he gets too big for his britches.

Trish: Arr, I don’t remember her in this episode, me hearties! UTR majorly!

Morgan tribe:

Andrew: This lawyer’s becomin’ a messdeck lawyer! The tribe seems to respect him as a leader, and as long as they do, this landlubber’s secure!

Darrah: The mortician’s mighty frightening, but mighty under the radar in this episode.

Lillian: Arr, the scoutmaster’s gotta be valuable on a Survivor show, but look at Debb Eaton and see that’s not the finest strategy. Head’s off the chopping block now, but she could be walkin’ the plank soon if Morgan doesn’t get it together.

Nicole: Arr, I don’t think she shoulda been kicked off. She’s a victim of playing the game too hard too soon (see also: Peter Harkey, Survivor 4). She wasn’t a backstabber, was there an alliance between her and Tijuana in place? There was no need for Lill to tell Andrew, then Andrew to tell Tijuana! If anyone was stabbed in the back, it was Nicole by Lill, mateys! She didn’t deserve the 7-1 walking of the plank, and that’s my mighty fine opinion, lubbers!

Osten: Arrr, it’s Gervase II! Can’t swim, however instead o’ bein’ lazy, he’s overeager. The pants droppin’ thing was too much for my stomach, lads and lasses. He’s not gonna make the merge, which’ll make the lasses desperate for eye candy sad.

Ryan O.: Another UTR guy! Seems to be integratin’ well!

Ryan S.: Arrr, he’s in trouble! Going to need to appear to show more effort at the tribe and in challenges or he’s toast!

Tijuana: Arrr, she’s causin’ major conflict! “What, someone wants to vote me out?” Morgan’s going to get sick of her real fast, and as the tribe goes down, so will she!

That’s my opinion, mateys! Take it or leave it! Just respect that Survivor is back, and that I am Mark Burnett’s slave! Survivor forever! Arrrrrrr!


Theme? We don't need no stinkin' theme!

Emails and such to josh dot heit at gmail dot com.


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